Now

His hands

the softest

they take mine

here we are

now

what was

is not

what is

is everything

his hands

hold mine

two hearts

finding something

this is it

this is all

no more

no one else

breathe

I am happy

 


Featured image & other illustrations can be found on my Instagram @foolishslob. My commissions are open, and prints of all my work are available upon request.

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Anxiety

There’s a faulty switch in my mind

It flickers on and off and on and off

I want for nothing, but still I feel sick

The signals are coming out wrong

Instead of smiling I’m crying

Instead of happiness there is sickness

My stomach turns and my heart races

There’s no reason for this feeling but I feel it

I try to turn the switch off by doing what the happy people say

But faulty is faulty no matter how long I spend in downward dog

Dreams of You

I woke up from a dream of a life with you,

Your gentle hands held my heart,

And my fears fell away with each velvet kiss,

No fairy tale could compare to this truth,

I kissed your back and smiled as you turned to me,

Every morning we bring my dream life,

And nothing can ever take that away

(Draft)

Perfect Wreck

I was lost

as the living dead

all the pain I hid

I’d turned into myself

each day alone

the sickness grew

but I found you

you found me

 

You were you

a darling perfect wreck

I didn’t see it till

just as we kissed

your heart was broken

but I held you close

until it pieced together

making you whole

 

(Draft)

I’m Sorry that I Loved You

We didn’t know how sick we were

living on foundations of rotting wood

Lost children growing into the skin of adults

we kept up appearances with smiles fooling no one

A shadow hand lingers still on my cheek

and the darkness tastes like your ghost

We couldn’t see how twisted we had become

our love poisoned the water we drank

One day I lost the boy, and you lost the girl

and our hands pressed to our ears

They screamed the truth at us

but the harder we ran the deeper we crawled into our graves

With blackened finger nails and red raw cheeks

I carved into our headstone, ‘I’m sorry that I loved you.’

Castles and Lovers

I found our memories yesterday

I didn’t understand then

But I know now and I can’t face them

You said you could tell I wasn’t there

But it wasn’t enough to stop you.

You promised to protect me from the world

They won’t like me, they won’t care

Yet the world doesn’t seem so bad now I’m here

If I think too much I find myself crying

You knew I wasn’t there

But it didn’t stop you.

Sat with my own thoughts too long and it comes back

I see you so I close my eyes

But it’s a memory not a photograph

Everlasting, branded in my mind

Ruined, ugly, stupid, I hear it

You knew I wasn’t there

But it didn’t stop you.

You laugh

I can’t forget that laugh

You smile

I’ll never not see that smile

You swore to be my light in the darkness

But you were the shadows

I was a match, sick without my flame

Put out between your callous fingers

You said you could tell I wasn’t there

But knowing that didn’t stop you.

And knowing that kills me

Now that I understand I don’t understand

My castle was a dungeon and my lover held the key

You wanted to rescue me from them

But they saved me from you.

You knew I wasn’t there,

You knew I wasn’t there.